Friendship during patients’ stable and unstable phases of incurable cancer: a qualitative interview study

Objectives Little is known about the added value of friendship during the care of intensive cancer disease trajectories. Friends, however, can play an important (caring-)role to increase their friends’ (mental) well-being. We explored the experiences and desires of friends while their ill friends were—most of the time—in a stable phase of incurable cancer. Design Qualitative study in the Netherlands based on 14 in-depth interviews with friends of patients living with incurable cancer. Interviews were performed at the home setting or the friend’s office. Data gathering was inspired by grounded theory and analysed with a thematic analysis. Setting The home setting/friend’s office. Results Friends reported to experience difficulties in how and how often they wanted to approach their ill friends. They emphasised the ever-present knowledge of cancer inside their friends’ body as a ‘time bomb’. They seemed to balance between the wish to take care for their ill friend, having a good time and not knowing what their ill friend desired at specific times. Some friends felt burdened with or forced to provide more care than they could, although they acknowledged that this relationship provided space to reflect about their own life. Conclusions Friends are constantly negotiating and renegotiating their relationship depending on the severity of the disease, transparency of patients about their illness, their previous experiences and personal circumstances in life. Although a decrease in friendship may impact a patient’s quality of life, friends also need to be protected against providing more care than they are willing or able to give. Healthcare professionals, being aware of this phenomenon, can assist in this.