Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?: Long Distance Dating Relationships among College Students

Four hundred thirty-eight never married undergraduates at a large southeastern university completed a 25 item questionnaire designed to assess their experience with long distance dating relationships in regard to their belief in the adage "out of sight, out of mind." Over 40 percent of those experienced in long distance dating relationships believed this to be true. The respondents also reported that the separation either ended (21.5%) their relationship or made it worse (20%). Implications for university students, faculty, and counselors are suggested. ********** Kenny Rogers (country western singer) was asked in an interview, "Does absence make the heart grow fonder?" He replied, "No." He attributed his two divorces to being separated from his wives while on tour. Prior to marrying his third wife, Rogers stated, "We have agreed that she would always travel with me." Being separated from one's love partner is not unique to country western singers. Due to the demands of one's career, education, and elderly parents, it is the unusual couple that is never separated. This study examined this increasingly common phenomenon among a sample of undergraduate college students. Research on long distance dating relationships (hereafter referred to as LDDR) grew out of spouses separated due to career commitments (Gerstel and Gross, 1984; Taylor and Lounsbury, 1988). Sample and Methods The sample consisted of 438 undergraduates at a large southeastern university. The ages of the students ranged from 17 to 48 with a median age of 19. Respondents completed an anonymous survey about attitudes toward and previous experience with long distance dating relationships. The operational definition of such a relationship was being separated from a love partner by at least 200 miles for a period of not less than three months. The median number of miles these LDDR respondents had been separated was the category reflecting 300-399 miles (about a six hour drive) and the median length of time the respondents had been separated was 5 months. Of the total sample, almost 20 percent (19.9%) were currently involved in a LDDR (long distance dating relationship) and almost 37 percent (36.5%) reported having ever been in a LDDR relationship that ended. Actually arranging to see each other during the period of separation was limited. Only 11 percent (actually 10.8%) reported seeing each other weekly with almost 16 percent (15.7%) reporting that they never saw each other. However, in spite of the separation, the lovers continued to stay in touch with each other on a regular basis. Over half talked on the phone (56.5%) and/or e-mailed (53%) the partner several times each week. Almost a fourth (22%) talked on the phone at least once a day and one in ten (8.8%) talked with each other several times a day. The separation was damaging to most relationships. One in five (21.5%) broke up and another one in five (20.0%) said that the separation made their relationship worse. Only 18 percent reported that the separation improved their relationship (other responses included 33% "mixed effect", 9% "no effect"). Findings & Discussion Analysis of the data revealed several findings: 1. No significant sex, race, or age differences. There were no significant differences between women and men or between whites and non-whites in terms of the likelihood of having experience in a LDDR. While older students were slightly more likely to have had such an experience, the difference was not significant. 2. Out of sight, out of mind. Persons who reported ever having been involved in a LDDR were 8.1% more likely to believe "out of sight, out of mind" than those who had not experienced a long distance dating relationship (42.1% versus 34%). Hence, the reality of having been separated from one's partner in a LDDR is associated with greater acceptance of the belief "out of sight, out of mind. …