Flirting on the Internet and the Hickey: A Hermeneutic

Nowadays, erotic behaviour in cyberspace is customary. Online dating is a million dollar industry. Within the everyday politics of erotic-romantic relationships, however, males and females still blush in each other's presence, caress tenderly and trade hickeys. Mainstream social science researches cyber-behaviour voluminously, but totally ignores commonplace fleshy phenomena. Our study probes this discrepancy. What does it mean that virtual sex is winning the current war between desire and technology? Why is the 'flesh' becoming increasingly marginalized? To accomplish our aim, we use a phenomenological-hermeneutic method. Our basic results are two narratives: (1) interpretations about Internet flirting; and (2) descriptive finding about the hickey. Then, in order to reach general conclusions, we interpret the two studies in light of each other. It is a double hermeneutic. The two target phenomena share the similarity of manifesting the same "lovemap," "solicitation and allure." But they also differ sharply. Internet flirting exemplifies "mirror enchantment"; whereas the hickey showcases a phenomenology of the eyes, touch, dialogue and physical presence. We explain Western culture's preference for technology to the neglect of 'live' embodiment as manifesting a repetition of Platonic-Christendom's contempt for the flesh and horror of passionate tenderness. Our culture, on the cusp between modernity and post-modernity, displays dread concerning the flesh by obsessive concerns with safety-security and with modulating excesses. Are not absolute control and perfect security, however, merely illusions? We showcase the positive aspects of seemingly unsafe values: psychological vulnerability, daring, and risk.