Resolving Conflict Between Parents and Adolescents Harmony in the Home

Australian Institute of Family Studies 17 F or young people and their parents adolescence can be a time of stress and confusion as families negotiate the transition between childhood and becoming adult. Previous patterns of family relationships that worked more or less adequately can be disrupted as young people desire and demand more independence. Parents are frequently perplexed about how to deal with teenagers who are testing limits and attempting to develop an autonomous identity. Surveys of young people reveal that the majority of adolescents have positive feelings about their families even if there are disagreements (Offer, Ostrov and Howard 1981; Noller and Callen 1991). However, during this period some level of conflict appears inevitable, even necessary, if parents and adolescents are to establish new relationships that balance increased independence with continued connection and support. Either may exaggerate the negatives and minimise the positives of family life (Robin and Foster 1989). A family’s communication patterns, problem-solving abilities, belief systems and structure of relationships will influence whether adolescence is a time of normal challenge and adjustment or becomes a crisis of conflict. Studies indicate that where parents are authoritarian and controlling, young people are likely to respond more to external controls, react in rebellious ways and develop lower self-esteem and confidence. Too permissive an environment may promote freedom without the necessary boundaries that allow testing within safe limits. A more democratic but not permissive style of parenting that encourages participation in decision-making appears to promote internal judgement and control, less susceptibility to peer pressure and constructive identity exploration. Of course, influences are reciprocal, with the adolescent’s behaviour contributing to the style of parenting (Montemayor 1986; Peterson and Leigh 1990). For some families, the pressures of negotiating these transitions become too difficult emotionally and practically, causing intolerable levels of conflict and family dysfunction leading to the young person leaving home prematurely without adequate skills and resources for independent living.