"Love the Way You Lie": Sexting deception in romantic relationships

Abstract In this study, we examined the prevalence of lying during sexting in a sample of 155 young adult college students. More than one third (37%) of those who had ever had a committed relationship and approximately half (48%) of active sexters (i.e., those who had ever sent a sexual text message) had lied to their committed partners during sexting about what they were wearing, doing, or both. Most people (67%) lied to serve their partner in some way (e.g., make it better for their partner) but some (33%) lied to serve themselves (e.g., they were bored). Additionally, lying during sexting was much more common among women than men: 45% of women and 24% of men had lied during sexting with committed partners. When attachment characteristics were considered, attachment avoidance predicted lying during sexting among active sexters, even after controlling for gender. Therefore, lying during sexting, just like pretending orgasm in a face-to-face context, is more likely to occur among those with insecure attachments to relationship partners. We discuss the similarities and differences between sexual deception in face-to-face and CMC contexts and propose future directions for this research.

[1]  Michelle Drouin,et al.  Texting, sexting, attachment, and intimacy in college students’ romantic relationships , 2012 .

[2]  Robert S. Weisskirch,et al.  Personality factors as predictors of sexting , 2013, Comput. Hum. Behav..

[3]  B. Depaulo,et al.  Lying in everyday life. , 1996, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[4]  Katelyn Y. A. McKenna,et al.  Plan 9 From Cyberspace: The Implications of the Internet for Personality and Social Psychology , 2000 .

[5]  M. Patterson,et al.  The Role of Psychological Distance in the Formation of Fairness Judgments , 2010 .

[6]  Frederick G. Lopez,et al.  Preliminary development and validation of a measure of relationship authenticity. , 2006 .

[7]  C. Hazan,et al.  Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. , 1987, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[8]  S. Metts,et al.  An Exploratory Investigation of Deception in Close Relationships , 1989 .

[9]  Jeffrey T. Hancock,et al.  Deception and design: the impact of communication technology on lying behavior , 2004, CHI.

[10]  J. Bowlby.  Attachment and loss: retrospect and prospect. , 1969, The American journal of orthopsychiatry.

[11]  M. Wiederman.  Pretending orgasm during sexual intercourse: correlates in a sample of young adult women. , 1997, Journal of sex & marital therapy.

[12]  C. Muehlenhard,et al.  Men's and Women's Reports of Pretending Orgasm , 2010, Journal of sex research.

[13]  Omri Gillath,et al.  Attachment, authenticity, and honesty: dispositional and experimentally induced security can reduce self- and other-deception. , 2010, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[14]  Candida C. Peterson.  Deception in Intimate Relationships , 1996 .

[15]  Paula V. Lippard.  “Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies”;: Situational exigencies for interpersonal deception , 1988 .

[16]  D. Vogel,et al.  The Experiences in Close Relationship Scale (ECR)-Short Form: Reliability, Validity, and Factor Structure , 2007, Journal of personality assessment.

[17]  Anne K. Gordon,et al.  The enigma of altruistic lying: Perspective differences in what motivates and justifies lie telling within romantic relationships , 2004 .

[18]  P. Shaver,et al.  Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change , 2007 .

[19]  Brenda K. Wiederhold.  Are "Facebook Murders" a Growing Trend? , 2013, Cyberpsychology Behav. Soc. Netw..

[20]  Michelle Drouin,et al.  Unwanted but consensual sexting among young adults: Relations with attachment and sexual motivations , 2014, Comput. Hum. Behav..

[21]  Michelle Drouin,et al.  Texting, sexting, and attachment in college students' romantic relationships , 2012, Comput. Hum. Behav..

[22]  T. Cole.  Lying to the One you Love: The Use of Deception in Romantic Relationships , 2001 .

[23]  Allyson L. Dir,et al.  Understanding Differences in Sexting Behaviors Across Gender, Relationship Status, and Sexual Identity, and the Role of Expectancies in Sexting , 2013, Cyberpsychology Behav. Soc. Netw..

[24]  R. Cialdini,et al.  Online persuasion: An examination of gender differences in computer-mediated interpersonal influence. , 2002 .

[25]  Michelle Drouin,et al.  Let's talk about sexting, baby: Computer-mediated sexual behaviors among young adults , 2013, Comput. Hum. Behav..

[26]  Sara Kiesler,et al.  Social psychological aspects of computer-mediated communication , 1984 .

[27]  Jennifer A. Epstein,et al.  Sex differences in lying: How women and men deal with the dilemma of deceit. , 1993 .

[28]  B. Depaulo,et al.  Everyday lies in close and casual relationships. , 1998, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[29]  W. Marelich,et al.  Sexual Deception as a Social-Exchange Process: Development of a Behavior-Based Sexual Deception Scale , 2008, Journal of sex research.

[30]  Katelyn Y. A. McKenna,et al.  The internet and social life. , 2004, Annual review of psychology.

[31]  A. Vrij,et al.  Individual differences and lying in everyday life , 2008 .