Kotler is dead

" Bastards! " " Sorry? " " My students are bastards. " " Customers, Alan. They're our customers. I know you've only been with us for a short while, but we call them customers. This is supposed to be a marketing department, remember? " " Sorry, Professor Kotler. I'm sorry. But I just can't believe it. I got the impression that the students liked my lectures. Christ, what have I done to deserve this? " " Well, marketing theory and thought has always been a difficult module. " " Yes, I know. The students told me all about its terrible reputation. Dry, abstract, badly taught. For God's sake, they said they enjoyed my lectures. I even got a round of applause one afternoon. " " Well … I'm sure you did Alan. However, the results of the student evaluation exercise are in and I'm afraid you've got a very low score. Even lower than when I used to teach marketing theory. " " Oh Jesus, I'm really sorry, Professor Kotler. I didn't mean to imply … " " No, Alan, I'm sure you didn't. Call me Phil. " " A low score you say, er, Phil? " " I'm afraid so. " " How low? " " Very low, Alan. " " Even lower than Chase's course on quantitative methods? " " Now, let's not get cheeky, young man. Dr Chase is a senior member of staff with an international reputation. His is a model module, if you'll pardon the expression. " " But he talks nineteen to the dozen, for heaven's sake. The students have all sorts of names for him and his lectures – Wild Goose Chase, Somnambulance Chasing … " " I didn't hear that, Mr Smithee. And, for your information, your evaluation was considerably worse than Dr Chase's. " " Jesus, that's bad. " " Yes, you could say that. " " So, what happens now Professor … Phil? " " Well, Alan, let's look on the bright side. There's another six months of your contract to run. We won't be making a decision until then. I'm sure it will be extended. You have every opportunity to make amends in the new semester. I have every confidence in you, every confidence. "