Marriage

I don't believe in restricted clubs,' yet I belong to one by virtue of being married. Five years ago, when I was intimately involved with a woman, I could not imagine that I would ever want to get married. In this essay, I will explore some of the coercive elements of our society that would compel even me, a committed feminist, to marry. I will also discuss to what extent lesbian and gay people should be seeking to extend marriage to include their relationships. I will first briefly summarize the marriage debate that has been occurring within the lesbian and gay community and then provide my own position on this issue. Because the personal is political, I will relate some of my life history to explain my position. Lesbian and gay people in our society cannot attain a legally recognized marriage.2 Virtually no one in the lesbian and gay community believes that society should exclude lesbian and gay people from marriage. An impassioned debate, however, exists as to whether lesbian and gay activists should be seeking to extend marriage to people in same-sex relationships as a top priority. 3