Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love?

This article examines the possibility that romantic love (with intensity, engagement, and sexual interest) can exist in long-term relationships. A review of taxonomies, theory, and research suggests that romantic love, without the obsession component typical of early stage romantic love, can and does exist in long-term marriages, and is associated with marital satisfaction, well-being, and high self-esteem. Supporting the separate roles of romantic love and obsession in long-term relationships, an analysis of a moderately large data set of community couples identified independent latent factors for romantic love and obsession and a subsample of individuals reporting very high levels of romantic love (but not obsession) even after controlling for social desirability. Finally, a meta-analysis of 25 relevant studies found that in long- and short-term relationships, romantic love (without obsession) was strongly associated with relationship satisfaction; but obsession was negatively correlated with it in long-term and positively in short-term relationships.

[1]  Richard E. Lucas,et al.  Subjective Weil-Being: Three Decades of Progress , 2004 .

[2]  Judith A. Feeney,et al.  Attachment Style as a Predictor of Adult Romantic Relationships , 1990 .

[3]  M. Lund The Development of Investment and Commitment Scales for Predicting Continuity of Personal Relationships , 1985 .

[4]  R. Sternberg A triangular theory of love. , 1986 .

[5]  Close partner as sculptor of the ideal self: Behavioral affirmation and the Michelangelo phenomenon. , 1999 .

[6]  M. Montgomery,et al.  Differences in Love Attitudes across Family Life Stages. , 1997 .

[7]  L. F. Barrett,et al.  Handbook of Emotions , 1993 .

[8]  I. Frieze,et al.  The measurement of Friendship‐based Love in intimate relationships , 1994 .

[9]  G. William Walster,et al.  A new look at love , 1978 .

[10]  Christina C. Norman,et al.  Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. , 2000, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[11]  Vernon H. Edmonds Marital Conventionalization: Definition and Measurement , 1967 .

[12]  C. Rusbult,et al.  Close partner as sculptor of the ideal self: behavioral affirmation and the Michelangelo phenomenon. , 1999, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[13]  Marcia E. Lasswell,et al.  I Love You But I'm Not In Love with You* , 1976 .

[14]  Roy F. Baumeister,et al.  Passion, Intimacy, and Time: Passionate Love as a Function of Change in Intimacy , 1999, Personality and social psychology review : an official journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, Inc.

[15]  J. Shor The psychologist looks at love. , 1945 .

[16]  Robert J. Sternberg,et al.  Construct validation of a triangular love scale , 1997 .

[17]  S. Duck,et al.  Understanding personal relationships : an interdisciplinary approach , 1985 .

[18]  Richard J. Davidson,et al.  PSYCHOLOGICAL SCIENCE Research Article Lending a Hand Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat , 2022 .

[19]  E. Waters,et al.  When "new" meets "old": configurations of adult attachment representations and their implications for marital functioning. , 2004, Developmental psychology.

[20]  Psychological individualism and romantic love. , 1991 .

[21]  E. Hatfield,et al.  Love Types and Subjective Well-Being: A Cross-Cultural Study , 2004 .

[22]  E. Berscheid,et al.  The Language of Love: The Difference a Preposition Makes , 1997 .

[23]  A. Aron,et al.  Love and the expansion of self: Understanding attraction and satisfaction. , 1988 .

[24]  R. Sternberg,et al.  The New Psychology of Love , 2018 .

[25]  J. Lee,et al.  A Typology of Styles of Loving , 1977 .

[26]  M. Barone The evolution of love , 1998 .

[27]  C. M. Parkes,et al.  Attachment Across the Life Cycle , 1991 .

[28]  J. Traupmann,et al.  Older Women's Perceptions of Their Intimate Relationships , 1984 .

[29]  K. Dion,et al.  Romantic love: Individual and cultural perspectives. , 1988 .

[30]  E. Waters,et al.  Stability of attachment representations: the transition to marriage. , 2002, Developmental psychology.

[31]  Arthur Aron,et al.  Passionate Love and Marital Satisfaction at Key Transition Points in the Family Life Cycle , 1993 .

[32]  Helen E. Fisher,et al.  Lust, attraction, and attachment in mammalian reproduction , 1998, Human nature.

[33]  C. Rusbult American Psychological Association, Inc. A Longitudinal Test of the Investment Model: The Development (and Deterioration) of Satisfaction and Commitment in Heterosexual Involvements , 2022 .

[34]  R. Sternberg,et al.  The Psychology of Love , 1988 .

[35]  G. Spanier Measuring Dyadic Adjustment: new scales for assessing the quality of marriage and similar dyads , 1976 .

[36]  N. Glenn,et al.  The Contribution of Marital Happiness to Global Happiness. , 1981 .

[37]  Z. Rubin Measurement of romantic love. , 1970, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[38]  J. Willi,et al.  Love: an important dimension in marital research and therapy. , 2003, Family process.

[39]  R. Houts,et al.  The connubial crucible: newlywed years as predictors of marital delight, distress, and divorce. , 2001, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[40]  Dorothy Tennov,et al.  Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love , 1979 .

[41]  Masahiro Masuda,et al.  Meta‐analyses of love scales: Do various love scales measure the same psychological constructs? , 2003 .

[42]  E. Hatfield,et al.  Measuring passionate love in intimate relationships. , 1986, Journal of adolescence.

[43]  S. Beach,et al.  Marital Discord and Dysphoria: For Whom does the Marital Relationship Predict Depressive Symptomatology? , 1993 .

[44]  A. Aron,et al.  Marital Satisfaction and Passionate Love , 1995 .

[45]  Mary D. Salter Ainsworth,et al.  Attachments and other affectional bonds across the life cycle , 1991 .

[46]  L. F. Barrett,et al.  Handbook of emotions, 2nd ed. , 2000 .

[47]  C. Rusbult,et al.  Perceived superiority in close relationships: why it exists and persists. , 2000, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[48]  Susan S. Hendrick A generic measure of relationship satisfaction. , 1988 .

[49]  E. Berscheid,et al.  The Association between Romantic Love and Marriage , 1986 .

[50]  Susan S. Hendrick,et al.  A theory and method of love. , 1986 .

[51]  E. Finkel,et al.  Does self-love lead to love for others? A story of narcissistic game playing. , 2002, Journal of personality and social psychology.

[52]  Helen E. Fisher,et al.  Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love. , 2005, Journal of neurophysiology.

[53]  J. Traupmann,et al.  Intimacy in older women's lives. , 1982, The Gerontologist.