Minding the Close Relationship

In this theoretical analysis, we argue that a process referred to as minding is essential for a couple to feel mutually close and satisfied in a close relationship overa long period. Minding represents a package of mutual self-disclosure, other forms of goal-oriented behavior aimed at facilitating the relationship, and attributions about self's and other's motivations, intentions, and effort in the relationship. Self-disclosure and attribution activities in minding are aimed at getting to know the other, trying to understand the other's motivations and deeper dispositions as they pertain to the relationship, and showing respect and acceptance for knowledge gained about other. We link the concept of minding to other major ideas and literatures about how couples achieve closeness: self-disclosure and social penetration, intimacy, empathy and empathic accuracy, and love and self-expansion. We argue that the minding process articulated here has not previously been delineated and that it is a useful composite notion about essential steps in bonding among humans. We also argue that the minding concept stretches our understanding of the interface of attribution and close relationships. We present research possibilities and implications and consider possible alternative positions and counterarguments about the merits of the minding idea for close relationship satisfaction.